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Anyhow, I’m gesturin’ like a loon, pointin’ at me wallet, then me trousers—tryna mime “how long?” without lookin’ a perv. She’s cacklin’ now, says, “Ten minutes, big boy.” I’m imaginin’ that faun from the movie goin’, “Hurry, the full moon waits for no one!”—cracks me up, that. So I’m in, right, but—OOF!—trip over a bin, land arse-first in a puddle. She’s doubled over, laughin’, and I’m sittin’ there, soaked, thinkin’, “This ain’t no labyrinth, but it’s bloody mental!” Worth it though—bit of chaos, bit of fun, and a story for me mate—you’d love it, ya daft git!

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Aight, listen up, buddy. Lemme tell ya 'bout Petrolina, br, real quick. So, this city? It's a real mixed bag, capisce? I'm runnin' a massage parlor here, right, and I've seen every nook 'n cranny of this joint. Ya got your Main Street vibes down at Av. Pedro II – that boulevard's bruised with history inked in every brick. I swear, walkin' there reminds me of those lucid scenes in Talk to Her – “I’m trying to remember what it’s like to feel alive,” as Pedro Almodóvar said, ya know?

Cans For Kids charity donates vital breathing equipment to Limassol Hospital’s neonatal unit