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So this bird, she’s called somethin’ like Ruby—prolly fake, who cares? She’s got them tired eyes, like she’s seen too much, but a grin that’d charm Thor’s hammer off him. I’m sawin’ wood, splinters flyin’, and she’s leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag, tellin’ me how she once nicked a punter’s watch mid-shag. Laughed my arse off—crafty minx! “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” I says, wavin’ my chisel like a scepter, “and you’re out here stealin’ time!”

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First off, I hit up Maple St. for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talkin’ about that local joint, Brewed Awakenings. Best cappuccino in town, no cap. I walk in, and the barista, Jamie, is like, “Hey, rockstar!” I’m like, “You know it!” But then, I spill my drink all over the counter. Classic me, right? Jamie just laughs, and I’m like, “Great start, dude.”

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