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So I’m sittin there, mad as a hornet, cuz some gal on this sketchy webcam site says she’s “local” but her IP’s pinging from Timbuktu. Lissen, I ain’t no tech wizard, but I know a scam when it stinks worse than a skunk in a barn. Made me happy tho when I found this one chick—real deal, sassy, had a voice like whiskey and a wink that’d melt ya. Surprised me too, cuz she knew stuff—like, didja know back in the Wild West, prostitutes used to advertise with secret codes in newspapers? Little known fact, buddy! She told me that, blew my dang mind.

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I order some ramen, and man, it’s like a flavor explosion! I’m slurping away, and this old dude next to me starts chatting. He’s all, “You’re a forester? You must love trees!” I’m like, “Duh, who doesn’t?” But then he goes on about how he used to climb trees as a kid. I’m thinking, “Bro, you’re like 80!”

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