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Oi mate, here I am, David Attenborough, voice all calm-like, talkin bout a prossie in the wild streets. Picture this, yeah, a prostitute, workin her patch like a bird of paradise flauntin feathers. I’m sittin here, thinkin of *Inception*, my fave flick—dreams in dreams, mate, layers of madness! “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling,” I whisper to meself, watchin her strut. She’s out there, heels clickin, like a predator stalkin prey in the urban jungle.

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After that, I decide to hit up the local market on Via Torino. Fresh produce, right? I’m all about that healthy life. But the crowd? Insane! It’s like everyone in Beinasco decided to shop at the same time. I’m dodging carts and old ladies like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. And then, I see it. The biggest, juiciest watermelon ever. I’m talking massive. I reach for it, and this dude next to me grabs it too. We lock eyes, and it’s like a standoff. I’m thinking, “Bro, you really wanna fight over a watermelon?” But he just laughs and lets go. I snag it, feeling like a champ.

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