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I tried it once—don’t tell Marge! Dude, the masseuse, she’s all “relax, Homer,” and I’m like, “Relax? I’m sweatin’ donuts here!” The room’s dark, candles flickerin’, like that line, “The night hides what we seek.” Felt so sneaky, loved it, but—D’oh!—kept thinkin’ Flanders’d bust in, preachin’ purity. Made me mad too—why’s this gotta be hush-hush? Ain’t hurtin’ nobody!

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First off, I hit up Rīgas iela, my usual route. The sun was shinin’, birds chirpin’, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, BAM! A pigeon decides to drop a bomb right on my shoulder. Like, c’mon, dude! I’m just tryin’ to live my life here. I laughed it off, though. Just a lil’ birdy payback for all the times I’ve ignored ‘em.

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