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So, I’m prowlin’, yeah, lookin’ for one. Not my usual gig – I’d rather bid on a cursed mask or summat. But there she is, leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag like she owns the night. “What’s yer price, love?” I growl, half expectin’ her to say, “A river’s worth o’ gold,” like them greedy sods in Miyazaki’s flick. She laughs – rough, like gravel – an’ says, “Firty quid, big man.” Thirty! I’m gobsmacked, mate. Thought it’d be more, what with inflation an’ all.

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Then, the phone rings. It’s a customer. They want a custom stove, but they’re super picky. “I need it in blue, with gold accents, and it has to match my curtains.” I’m like, “Lady, this ain’t a fashion show!” But I keep my cool. “Sure, no problem.” Inside, I’m screaming. Who knew stoves could be so complicated?

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