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I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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Finally, the rain eased up. I dashed out, looking like a drowned rat. But whatever, I’m in Labuan! I headed to the waterfront. The view was stunning! The sunset was painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. I whipped out my phone for a pic. But then, my phone died! Ugh! Just my luck!

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