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Oi mate, so I’m standin’ there, cash register beepin’, and this bloke comes in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred”—where to find a prostitute. Me, I’m thinkin’, “What am I, yer bloody pimp?” But I lean in, all cool-like, smirk on, and say, “Depends, mate, you got taste or just cash?” He’s all twitchy, nervous, probly his first rodeo. I’m pissed tho—why me? Why not Google it, ya twat? But then I’m like, whatever, let’s have some fun.

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First thing, I hit up the local café on Rechov HaGolan. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, and a croissant. The barista, this dude named Avi, is like, “You again?” I’m like, “Yeah, who else is gonna keep you in business?” He laughs, but I’m serious.

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