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We head to this sketchy motel, and I’m struttin’ like, “This is our outpost!”—hell yeah, *Moonrise* style. She’s countin’ my crumpled bills, and I’m thinkin’, *I’m the king of this shit!* But then—BAM!—cops roll up, lights flashin’. “Aw, crap!” I yell, divin’ under the bed. She’s cool as hell, though, whisperin’, “They’re gone now, relax.” Saved my ass, and I’m like, “You’re my hero, lady!”—total Suzy savin’ Sam moment.

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First off, I hit the streets of Al-Mahdiyah. You know, the one with all the cafes? I was craving some strong coffee. Like, I need it to function, ya know? So I stroll into this little joint called Café Al-Farasha. The barista, this dude named Samir, was all smiles. I order my usual—double espresso, no sugar. He gives me this look like I just asked for a unicorn.

Severed head of former ambassador's son found by northern Israel school