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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, badass stockbroker, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout Find a Prostitute—respect my authoritah! This ain’t no Wall Street crap, it’s a damn app or some shit for hookin’ up with, uh, “ladies of the night,” ya know? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Diving Bell and Butterfly*—that artsy French dude stuck in his head, blinkin’ to live, “I am not resigned!”—and I’m like, how’s this tie to bangin’ prossies? Well, it does, so shut up!

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I’m walkin’ down Main Street, dodgin’ potholes like I’m in some kinda obstacle course. And lemme tell ya, the vendors are out in full force. “Hey, mi friend! Come try dis mango!” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” Best mango I ever had, no joke. Sweet, juicy, just the way I like it.

Coffee, Exercise, and Music Drive This San Francisco Architect