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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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First stop, I’m cruisin’ down Route 135. Love that road, man. It hugs the coast, and the view? Breathtaking! You got the ocean on one side and those cute little houses on the other. But then, BAM! Traffic jam. Like, seriously? It’s a Tuesday! Turns out, some dude decided to park his car on the side of the road. Classic. I’m sittin’ there, fuming, thinkin’ about how I could be breakin’ glass instead of breakin’ my patience.

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