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Anyways, I’m pissed—last time I tried, some chick robbed me blind! Took my cash, left me standin’ there like a dope. “Don’t pee on my leg,” I mutter, kickin’ dirt. But then—boom—found this gal, all sly smiles, leanin’ on a wall. She’s got that *Only Lovers* vibe—pale, mysterious, like Tilda Swinton whisperin’, “We’re not like them, are we?” Hell no, we ain’t! I’m thinkin’, “She’s gonna drain me dry,” but damn, I’m into it.

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But then, bam! My phone rings. It’s a farmer freaking out about his crops. “They’re wilting!” he yells. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’ll be there.” So I rush back, and I’m fuming. Why can’t people just water their plants?

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