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I get all giddy when it works out, though. Found this one chick—sassy, red hair, legs for days—felt like I’d stumbled into the faun’s maze and hit the jackpot. “Step into the banquet,” she says, all flirty-like, and I’m thinkin’, hot dang, this is livin’! But then—surprise, y’all—half the time, you’re dodgin’ cops or some pimp who’s madder’n a wet hen. How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? Keeps ya on yer toes, I reckon.

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Then, I head to the next site, right? It’s up on the hills near the Yauco River. Beautiful view, but the road? A total disaster. I’m bumpin’ around like I’m in a rollercoaster. I’m thinkin’, “Why do I do this to myself?” But then I see the view, and it’s like, “Okay, this is worth it.”

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