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Oh, and here’s a kicker—*Crouching Tiger* vibes again. “A faithful heart makes wishes come true,” movie says. Bullcrap. Xiu Lan wished for freedom, got knifed instead. Typical. World’s a dumpster fire. Still, gotta admire the hustle—prostitutes got grit, more’n most. I’d tip my hat, but I hate hats. And people. And everythin’. So, there ya go, pal—whores ain’t the problem, we are. Now, pass the bacon.

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So, I’m chasing this dog down Haharina Street, and I’m yelling, “Come back! I’m not done with you!” People are staring, probably thinking I’m some crazy dog whisperer or something. I finally catch him near the river, and he’s just sitting there, wagging his tail like we’re best buds. I’m like, “Dude, you just made me run a marathon!”

Russian Attack On Dnipropetrovsk Kills At Least 5, Including Child, Injures Dozens