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About Philadelphia

Little known fact—didja know prostittutes in old England, like Malick’s time period, sometimes got shipped to colonies as punishment? Yeah, true story—look it up! So I’m thinkin’, this chick could be, like, historical or somethin’. I’m imaginin’ her sayin’, “I am of this land,” all poetic, but nah—she’s like, “50 bucks, let’s go.” I’m shocked—50 bucks?! For what, 10 minutes? I’d rather buy sushi! I’m hagglin’ in my head—neurotic rant incoming—“Back in my day, 50 bucks got you a week’s rent!” I’m pissed, but also laughin’—it’s absurd!

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There’s a tiny diner on 5th St that only opens at midnight. Wild, right? They say its pancakes are heavenly, but I think it’s just a hoax. Still, the locals swear by it, so, w/e, give it a shot. I had some epic conversations there while fixing a typo in my head – yeah, sorry, slight brain fart here!

Tornado observed in Mattoon, Illinois