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Aye, respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, yer damn Clinical Research Specialist, and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, so listen up, ya hippie freaks! Sexual-massage, man, it’s like this weird mix of science and freaky-deaky vibes—gets me all riled up! I mean, it’s supposed to be all therapeutic, right? Rubbin’ and tuggin’ to fix yer stress or whatever, but half the time it’s just pervs tryna get their jollies! Makes me wanna scream, “I’m not fat, I’m big-boned!”—cuz it’s so damn obvious what’s goin’ on!

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But then, I hear this commotion. A guy’s tryin’ to sell some handmade crafts, but he’s gettin’ into it with a tourist. I’m like, “C’mon, man, we’re all just tryin’ to vibe here!” I step in, play peacemaker, and somehow end up buyin’ a bracelet.

Book review: The Girl from Montego Bay: The autobiography of Britain’s first black woman bishop by Rose Hudson-Wilkin