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Alright, check this out, man! Say hello to my little friend! Sex-dating, bro, it’s wild out there. I’m Tony fuckin’ Montana, I see shit others don’t. Apps, swipin’, bangin’—it’s a jungle, chico! Like in “The Diving Bell,” trapped in my head sometimes, thinkin’—is this chick real or a bot? “I feel like a giant seashell,” floatin’ through profiles, half of ‘em fake as hell.

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Man, I can’t forget the hidden gem: a tiny café off the beaten track, near Calle Real. Its name? Uh, something quirky, but it’s a secular hangout with outrageously good coffee and neato vibes. I always get a kick whenever I stumble on that spot – sooo random! Even the locals have their own slang for callin’ it: "El Café loco" – cuz, as I say, life here is unpredictably wild!

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