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About Auckland

So this tart, right—she’s a hustler, workin’ corners like it’s 1973, same vibe as them rock ‘n’ roll girls. I seen one once, swear it, near a dingy pub—legs like stilts, skirt so short I near choked on me own tongue! Hiss! Made me mad, yesss—why’s she gotta flaunt it? But then—oh, then—she winked, and I was happy as a hobbit with a fat trout! Sneaky minx, knows her tricks, she does.

Ambrose Burnside, The Sideburned Civil War Commander Who Didn’t Want The Job

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So, I hop on the bus at Burnside Park. It’s packed, like sardines in a can. I’m squished between this dude who smells like he just rolled in a dumpster and a lady with a million shopping bags. I’m thinking, “Why do people even shop this much?” But whatever, I’m just trying to get to the city center.

Christchurch's Burnside High School shuts after two dozen classrooms fail to meet earthquake standards