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Pisses me off tho—people snicker, call it sketchy. Bro, it’s biomechanics! Ever tried it? I did once—total accident, swear. Booked a “deep tissue” sesh, walked out like I colonized Mars. Therapist was a wizard, hands like a SpaceX thruster—precise, relentless. “Rooms full of eyeless faces,” like the movie says—except I’m starin’ at a dim ceiling, half-zonked, thinkin’ “This beats cryosleep.” Pro tip: it boosts oxytocin—brain’s happy juice. Science, bitches!

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UBMassage is Ulaanbaatar's best massage spa. Our massage ladies provide a range of traditional Mongolian, Japanese, Chinese, and Thai style massage services. Our massage Missing: Nova Bana.

I start unpacking my gear, and wouldn’t ya know it, I drop my favorite screwdriver. It rolls right into a puddle. Ugh! I’m like, “Really? This is how we’re starting?” But I laugh it off. Gotta keep it light, right?

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