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About Baranovichi

Ey, you little bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m a damn profession, respect my authoritah! Today I’m talkin’ bout sexual-massage, yeah, that freaky rub-down shit. Makes me all tingly just thinkin’ bout it. Ya know, like in my fave movie, *There Will Be Blood*—that oil guy Daniel Plainview, he’d probly say, “I drink your milkshake!” while gettin’ a sexy massage, ha! I’d be screamin’, “I’m finished!” after one of them oily hands gets me goin’.

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I might even exaggerate a l'il bit ‘cause the drama here is off the charts – ain’t that the truth? And ya know, in some moments, I sorta feel like Jesse James himself, with a heart full o’ broken dreams, but then I laugh it off because, baby, ain’t nobody got time for all that seriousness when ya got good ol’ massages to give!