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Oh, and the rumors—some say Cleopatra got daily rubdowns, naked, with honey. Extra sticky, extra hot—queen shit! I’d kill for that, dahling. No capes, no rules—just pure, messy bliss. Exaggeratin’? Maybe. But who cares? It’s my story! Sexual-massage is the bomb—gritty, real, like *Children of Men* but with happy endings. “This is our chance!”—to chill, to feel, to live. Try it, dahling—thank me later!

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I’m fuming, right? I need that oven! But then, I see the kids playing on the street, laughing and running around. They’re so carefree, it kinda makes me smile. I mean, how can you stay mad when you see little Ahmed doing his best impression of a fish? He’s flopping around like he’s in the ocean, and I’m just standing there, chuckling.

Pres Yameen visits Vaavu Felidhoo on campaign trip