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Then there’s the good bits, oh yes. Met this one gal, swear she glowed like WALL-E’s Eva, all sparkly n’ that. She told me – get this – she once had a client pay her in rare coins. COINS, mate! Like pirate treasure! I was gobsmacked, couldn’t believe it. “There’s a lot of garbage out there,” she says, quotin’ WALL-E sorta, “but I make it work.” Proper legend, her. Made me happy, that did – seein’ someone thrive in the muck.

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Then, outta nowhere, this massive seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right outta my hand! I’m like, “Oi! That’s my lunch!” But the bird just flies off, looking smug. I swear, I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, who does that? I’m just trying to enjoy a bit of peace, and I get robbed by a feathered thief.

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