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So, I stumble ‘cross this tale, right? Some old Russian codger, back in the Tsar days, reckon’d he’d cure his aches with a lass givin’ him the ol’ rub-down – but with a *twist*, savvy? Word is, he paid in gold coins, an’ the church got all pissy ‘bout it. Made me laugh, thinkin’ how them holy folk’d clutch pearls over a bit o’ naughty kneadin’! Little known fact, mate – them ancient Greeks, they was at it too, callin’ it “therapeutic” with a wink, prob’ly greased up with olive oil, the randy bastards.

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So, I’m tryin’ to salvage what I can when I spot my buddy, Luka, comin’ down the street. He’s got this huge grin on his face. I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He tells me he just got a new job at the factory. I’m happy for him, but also a bit jealous. I mean, I love burnin’ charcoal, but a steady paycheck sounds nice too.

Figure 5: Paleographic reconstruction of the Middle Triassic Earth...