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Found this one spot, yeah, down a dodgy alley—swear it’s like a secret level in a game. Little known fact, mate: back in the day, prossies used to signal with red hankies, proper old-school code! Ain’t that mental? Makes me laugh, cos now it’s all WhatsApp and “u up?” vibes. I’m chattin’ to this geezer outside a pub, he’s like, “They’re everywhere, bruv,” and I’m like, “Is it ’cos I is black?”—nah, just messin’, but it’s bare jokes how some punters get proper para round me.

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But then, just when I think I’m on top of the world, I slip. Yup, classic matador move. I hit the ground, and the bull’s right there. My heart drops. But guess what? The bull just snorts and walks away. Like, “Nah, I’m good.” I’m lying there, laughing and crying at the same time. What a day, right?

FSM fuel barge runs aground on Nilandhoo reef