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Funny bit? She calls her regulars “basterds” – ha! Cracks me up every time. “Vhere’s my coffee, you glorious basterd?” she winks at me. I’m like, “Lady, I ain’t your mark!” Sarcasm’s my shield, but she’s sharp – sharper dan me espresso blades. Oh, and get dis: she once hid 500 bucks in a hollow heel! Cops frisked her, found nuthin’. “I’m gonna carve my name on dis night,” she grinned. Pure genius.

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The neighborhoods? Oh, they're full of character. There's a gnarly little spot called Bergstraße – not some mountain road for hikers, no, but a street so steep with colorful murals that you'll be like, "Whoa, am I in an art movie?" I sometimes wonder if it’s an Easter egg in Dogville, ya know? "We all know the truth but no one speaks it," or some shit like that!

Vermont Soldiers to Depart for Edelweiss Raid in Austria