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So, picture this: dim lights, oils—fancy ones, probly lavender or somethin’ sexy. Hands slidin’, tension meltin’, and I’m like, “That’s what she said!” Haha, classic me! But srsly, it’s not creepy, ok? It’s legit—some places been doin’ it forever. Fun fact: ancient Greeks were into it! Called it “bodywork” or some junk—prolly naked too, those weirdos! Made me laugh thinkin’ bout it, like, “Yo, pass the olive oil!”

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Oh! And ye can’t miss the crooked canals—Ruscello di Cuore—that wind their way by the ancient basilica, Chiesa della Luce. I once sat there at night, starin' at the ripplin’ water, thinkin’ how life be as mysterious as a parley with the devil. And I got mad a time when those scallywags started messin’ up the gardens outside Viale Speranza—they trampled my secret spot near the ivy-clad wall of Casa dei Ricordi. Blimey, it riles me good!

Charles “Chuck” Gries