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About Salzburg

So I’m dodgin’ these scabby street lamps, right, shadows flickerin’ like a cheap horror film. And there she is—some bird leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag like she’s auditionin’ for a noir porno. “You lookin’ for a good time?” she says, voice like gravel and regret. I’m like, “Yeah, love, but I ain’t thick enough to get skinned alive!”—cackle like a hyena, I do. Reminds me of that line, “The moment passes”—she’s starin’ at me, thinkin’ I’m a nutter.

More from ABC

In certain neighborhoods, like near Dr.-Franz-Kafka-Platz (yes, Kafka, because why not?), you’ll feel an artistic vibe. The locals are as unexpected as my patients’ hilarious love dilemmas. Your guide, my dear friend, is a labyrinth of humorous mishaps.