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Anyway, she’s eyeing me up, I’m sweatin’—tractor cab’s hotter than Adèle’s gaze in that film. I’m thinkin’, “This is my moment, my blue warmth!” Mutter to meself, “Stay calm, Brentster, you’re the king of banter.” I go, “Fancy a ride on me John Deere?” She’s like, “What’s that, ya twat?” Laughed me arse off—proper icebreaker! Told her, “It’s not just a tractor, it’s a lifestyle”—she weren’t impressed.

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I walk these places, kinda mumbling to myself, sometimes shifting, sometimes laughing at life’s quirks. I beleive in taking pleasure in these small odd moments. I get so mad sometimes at the mundane routines, but then a sudden burst of life – a stray dog, a random greeting from an old mate – and I'm instantly happy. There's a bit of magic, a touch of serendipity every day. Even if you might think it’s all too chaotic, trust me, the chaos is the beauty!

New theory may put location of Joseph Lycett painting in perspective