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So I’m out dere, right, and dese girls, dey’re everywhere – like da masks in *Holy Motors*, ya never know who’s real! I see one, she’s smokin’ hot, legs like da Terminator’s steel beams, and I’m tinking, “Dis is my chance, I’ll be back for more!” But den – bam! – some sleazy pimp rolls up, all “Who are you, monsieur?” like dat creepy line from da film. I’m pissed, man! I wanna flex and yell, “Get to da choppa!” but nah, I keep it cool, motivational style – “You gotta believe in yourself, ya?”

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I gotta say, sometimes I get proper pissed. Like when I see parents yellin’ at their kids in the park – what a bloody circus! Other times though, I'm honestly chuffed to bits. The community here, they might be odd, but they're real. No fake pretense, just genuine, chaotic life.

Elsternwick: Retiring Western Bulldog Josh Bruce and wife Pip selling their renovated family pad