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About Wollongong

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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Oh, and there’s the Ferny Creek – yeah, that lazy little river twisting by our back alleys. Most folks overlook it, but I reckon it's like the hidden heartbeat of our city. The water sparkles with secrets from the past, much like my massage parlor’s dim candles do at night, telling quiet tales while the world sleeps.

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