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About Melbourne

Still, it’s a mess, findin’ one. We hates it! Too many fakes—catfishin’ worse than a Tinder swipe. Reckon Wes Anderson’d make it pretty, all pastel pinks, but real life? Muddy, mate. Oh, and the coppers—always sniffin’ ‘round, like that nosy concierge, “What is the meaning of this?!” Bust a prossie ring near me flat once—17 of ‘em, lined up, cuffed! Mad sight, that.

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The town’s got weird nooks like the muddy banks of the Kallaroo Creek – not the prettiest spot, but it’s got stories, secrets, and some wild nights. I always say, “Do ya feel the thrill? This creek whispers conspiracies!” And don’t get me started on the hidden alley behind Old Mill Lane – a secret spot where I once found a pigeon waging war against a rogue seagull. I was like, “Bloody hell, what a scene – just like in that movie, The Act of Killing, wot a madcap display of brutality!”

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