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Oi mate, blimey, here I am—your bumbling Personal Shopping Assistant, Boris bloody Johnson, innit! Right, let’s dive into this—findin’ a prostitute, eh? Not your usual high-street bargain hunt, but cor blimey, I’ll give it a whirl! Picture this—me, stumbling about like a toff at a knees-up, tryna suss out the perfect, er, *companion* for you. Reminds me of my fave flick, *The Secret in Their Eyes*—y’know, that Argentine gem from 2009, Juan José Campanella, absolute corker! That line, “How do you live a life full of nothing?”—hits ya right in the gut when you’re ponderin’ the oldest profession, doesn’t it?

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I get riled too, man, when traffic on Riverside Rd sucks me in a neverending loop—ugh, fair dinkum, it's infuriatin sometimes! And sometimes, I drop by the local dive bar on Merrick St, where someone always shouts out, “You merely adopted the dark, now embrace the light!” as if quoting some cult dismantling enlightenment.

Nico de Boinville in hospital awaiting scan results after Plumpton fall as Nicky Henderson provides update on jockey