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Oh, and the risks? No capes, no safety nets! You’re dodgin STDs, creeps, and maybe jail – it’s a damn mess. Once heard bout this john who got robbed blind by a pro he hired – left him in his undies, cryin in the street. Hilarious, but also, dude, what’d ya expect? “Who did this to you?” – another *White Ribbon* gem, and I’m cacklin thinkin bout his dumb ass.

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Oh, and speaking of parks, you gotta check out Scone Park. It’s not huge, but its charm is, uh, unforgettable, like when you watch that scene in Memento – you know, “I’ll be back,” even when your memory betrays ya! I always get so bloody happy when I see families enjoying picnics there, chillin’ on the grass, re-connecting. Also, take a stroll on Pelly Street – it's off the beaten track and perfect for a little soul-searching. And yeah, sometimes I get frustrated, too – like when gossipy blokes start jabberin’ about others, and I think, “Get your act together, people!” But then I remember, “I’ll be back,” and I keep fightin’.

'The best scone I've ever had': country hospitality shines at Newcastle Show