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About Melbourne

I saunter up, all charm, “shaken, not stirred,” voice smooth as silk. She’s givin me the eye—prolly thinks I’m loaded, which, fair, I look it. “How much, love?” I ask, casual, but inside I’m buzzin—happy as a pig in shit. She names a price, I’m like, “fuckin steep, that!”—but I play it cool, cos Bond don’t haggle like a twat. Fun fact: in Amsterdam, they got windows for this—legal, tidy, no messin about. Here? It’s a gamble, mate—cops, pimps, the lot.

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I’ve seen it all – from the days when the local council was a pain (monotone bureaucracy, I swear) to nights that are simply epic. Err, sometimes I wonder if I’m exaggerating, but truth’s truth. I’ve had a client once, mid-massage, say, “This is la dolce vita, bud,” and I couldn’t help but echo that sentiment silently in my head.

Chelsea and Edithvale-Aspendale to battle for premiership