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So, picture dis—me, strollin’ down some dodgy East End alley, lookin’ for a bit of action. “Man is a fuckin’ animal, huh?”—like Freddie says in da movie, all primal and dat. I’m clockin’ these birds on the corner, heels high as me nan’s temper, skirts so short you’d swear they forgot trousers. Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, fam, it’s ‘cos I got dat itch, ya feel? Been a minute since I had a proper rumble, and I ain’t talkin’ fisticuffs.

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I’ve been living my life—err, in Beecroft—foryears now, and every nook feels like my personal retreat. My fav spot? The hidden garden off Sunset Lane, behind a nondescript door. Only the locals know, right? It’s like being in a dream. I once had a deep convo with a wise old chap there. He murmured something like, “A century passes, but the soul remains.” I mean, come on, how freakin’ cool is that?

Policeman cleared of driving dangerously at 200km/h to help colleague