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She’s fast, man, like she’s on a timer. I’m tryna enjoy it, but the bed’s creakin’ louder than her fake moans. I’m laughin’ inside—shit’s ridiculous. “Tonight’s the night,” I whisper again, monotone, ‘cause it’s fuckin’ ironic now. Makes me happy, tho—somethin’ bout the chaos of it. Raw, real, no bullshit. Not like those clean-cut Harvard pricks in the movie.

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We got Bellbowrie Road twistin neatly through town. I stroll down around Kestrel Street and seriously, ancient gum trees line the sidewalks and tickle your senses. It's kinda like bein' in a dream – I always say, "the noise of the water." There's a small creek near Our Lady’s Park (ya gotta check it out) where the babblin' water calms my nerves after a mad day. Oh, and Bellbowrie Reserve, mate – perfect for a zen moment.

Real estate agent forced to apologise for awkward slip-up in rental listing: 'This really boils my blood'