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About Melbourne

Here’s the deal – it ain’t all glitz, nah. You gotta watch yerself, ‘cause cops? They’re lurkin’ like Brad Pitt’s crew, ready to scalp ya – well, not really, but ya get me! Once knew a fella, Tommy, got caught – said, “Joe, I’m done, finito!” Made me laugh, ‘cause he was so damn dramatic. “Say ‘auf wiedersehen’ to your cash!” I told him, straight up Tarantino style.

My property

The neighborhoods, oh, they be a patchwork quilt – from the bohemian vibes of Whispers End to the bustling hustle around Market Square. It’s unpredictable, a bit like a drunken sailor on a tender moment or two. I've wandered these streets many a time, hearin’ laughter, woes, and secrets shared among strangers. Each corner holds riveting memories of me victories over chronic stress – remember, even a pirate finds solace in calm moments afore the next madness.

Young man accused of riding motorbike 127km/h over limit