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I’m in my head, quotin’ Haynes, “I’m afraid I’ve lost somethin’,” wonderin’ if I’m losin’ my soul doin’ this. Exaggeratin’ maybe, but damn, it hits! She’s quick tho—15 minutes, done, like a pro. Slaps my ass, says, “Stay safe, big guy.” I’m walkin’ away, buzzin’, but kinda sad too—like Frank in the movie, chasin’ shit he can’t have.

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Oh man, Clayfield is wild, mate. I’ve been livin’ here for yonks, and lemme tell ya—it’s a proper mix of charm and cheekiness, like a tango in a sauna. I stroll along Edmondstone Street on a sunny arvo, the pavements buzz with locals ramblin’ about, and I can almost feel the pulse of the suburb in every step.

One of Queensland's best fish and chip shops is slinging an $80 caviar-topped potato scallop