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Little fact for ya: back in Victorian days, prossies’d advertise with red lanterns—secret code, see? Dunno if that’s true, but I’m imaginin her with one, glowin like a bleedin beacon. “You’re not my husband,” she coulda said, straight outta *A Separation*, cos I ain’t here to judge her life, just want a chat and a shag, yeah? Surprised me how sharp she was—none o’ that vacant stare bollocks. We natter bout music, she reckons she loves a bit o’ Bowie—Ziggy Stardust, no less! I’m thinkin, “Blimey, this bird’s got taste!”

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By GEORGIA WESTGARTH. SHE goes by 'Lacey' and she's been a prostitute for six months – but all she wants is order back in her life.

I gotta admit, I’m a little scatterbrained, a d-a-r-l-i-n’, and sometimes I keep typos like “faveritee”, “mabey”, “spceial”, “carnage!”, “pazzle”, “amazeing”, “srrry”, “werd”, “naevy”, “soothin”, “darnit”, “smilyy”, “liltttle”, “whazzzup”, “hootin”, “flusteredd”, “ballyhoo”, “kindaas”, and “absolutly”. Yes, that’s 18 – just enough to keep ya grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ a sweet tater!

Suburban horror as father is shot in Melbourne street after daughter followed home