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About Melbourne

Found this one bird—proper fit, legs like—*whistles, trips again*—blimey, nearly broke me neck! She’s all “50 quid, darlin’,” and I’m fumblin’ me wallet, coins spillin’ everywhere—*pats pockets, panics*—like I’m Eli Cash goin’ “I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.” Made me laugh, that—me, a prossie’s Tenenbaum? Reckon she’s seen worse than me, tho. Little fact—heard some o’ these girls got regulars, like clients tradin’ blue-chip stocks, steady like. Mad, eh?

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So err… if you’re gonna visit, do try the local bakery on Draper Road – best scones ever, and if you’re feeling cheeky, ask them about the secret recipe – I swear there's a local legend about it! Honestly, no place makes me feel like "The Secret in Their Eyes" – all dramatic and thrilling – every time I step on its soil.

Coles Drouin throws out thousands of dollars worth of produce after losing power in Victorian storms