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Last week, I’m out, buzzed, lookin’ for a score. This chick—red heels, fake laugh—saunters up. “Hey, sugar, need a friend?” I’m thinkin’, friend? Ha! More like a transaction, darlin’. She’s got that WALL-E vibe—worn out, but still grindin’. “Must… keep… movin’,” I mutter, mockin’ her in my head. I ask her rate—50 bucks, she says. Cheap, right? Too cheap. Red flag. I’m like, “Clarice… somethin’s off.” Trap, maybe? Cops? Pimp watchin’? I bounce—ain’t riskin’ that.

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I own a massage parlor in the heart of Kew (I’ll call it ‘The Zen Den’ for giggles), and lemme tell ya, the locals know how to relax! Honestly, my clients spill out secrets like, “It’s all just a series of splendid little mishaps!” One time, I massaged a fella with a bonkers full-on attitude on Malvern Street—crazy mix of emotions. Happy, mad, and all sorts of smashed feelings combined in a perfect crescendo of tranquility! hehe

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