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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a barista? Nah, I’m Gollum, sneaky-like, slingin’ coffee, watchin’ folk. Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is—makes me skin crawl like them tricksy hobbitses stealin’ me ring. So, picture this: I’m brewin’ espresso, steam hissin’, when some shady bloke stumbles in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me, “Where’s the ladies at?” I’m like, “We serves lattes, not lassies, ya twit!” He don’t get it—dumb as a sack o’ rocks.

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Not everything’s ya haven – sometimes I get downright mad when it rains too hard, turnin' every street into a slip 'n slide. But, heck, when the sun pops out, oh honey, it's like the beauty of a country ballad – sweet and raw. I always catch myself mutterin', “Sweet Lord, ain't life just one endless cycle of feelin's?” And yep, it's as wild as a line from that film: “Time is heavy, but hope is a feather.”

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