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So, last week, I’m out, tryna find a prostitute, right? This chick, she’s leanin’ on a lamppost, skirt shorter than my temper. I’m like, “Oi, love, you workin’?” She smirks, all sassy, “What’s it to ya?” Made me laugh, that did—proper cheeky! Got me thinkin’ bout Haneke’s line, “It’s not about the punishment.” Nah, mate, it’s about the game, the chase, the vibe. Dr. Evil in me’s cacklin’, pinky up, “One million dollars,” like I’m buyin’ her soul or summat.

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Sometimes, I get mad though. Can’t stand traffic on Old Dock Rd – maddening, I tell ya! Another quirk: Must include loooong breaks in thoughts, hesitations. Always somethin’ strange happens on Sunset Blvd when I drive by in my battered car, cracks on the windshield always remind me of a past bruise in my life, maybe scars of old love. Crazy, no?

A 34-year-old man failed to provide adequate food, water and living conditions for his bearded dragon lizard.