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Then – get this – she softens up, tells me bout her punter who paid in *buttons*. BUTTONS! Antique ones, worth a mint, from some dead duke’s coat. Bloke was off his trolley, but she flogged em for 200 quid! Made me howl – mad as a bag of ferrets, that is. *“I don’t understand what’s happening”* – movie line again, cos I’m proper bamboozled, ain’t I? Life’s a circus!

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This place is laid out along the Dender River – right? I always cruise by De Waterlei Street (lol, it’s such a mouthful) and watch the river do its thing. There’s an epic park called Park De Lente that’s super chill for random dates, perfect for those awkward first moments. I even met a wild-eyed poet there once – "Fool me once, shame on me…", as they say, though it’s really from that movie Spotlight, ya dig?

15-year-old girl detained on suspicion of having killed her 19-year-old brother