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But real talk, it’s risky, innit. Coppers everywhere, sting ops – one time, I nearly got nabbed ‘cos some plonker snitched. Made me proper vexed, steam comin’ outta me ears! I’m thinkin’, “Why’s it always me, fam?” Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, it’s ‘cos the game’s rigged. Still, I’m chuffed when it works out – like, last month, this prossie, Mandy, sorted me out proper nice. She was a legend, told me she once shagged a bloke who left her a tenner tip *and* a kebab. I’m like, “Goals, innit!”

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area.

Oh, and speaking of surprises – on one wild night I saw a full moon shining on the graffiti of a dern mural on Roeslaan. Mad, right? It’s like a glitch in the matrix. "You're not authorized to be here," might as well be the motto!

Thomas A. “Tony” Soetaert Obituary December 16, 2016