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But here’s the tea—findin one now? Shady websites, sketchy corners, or so I hear. I ain’t judgin, but I’m like, “Who’s got the cash for that?!” Made me mad, tho—some jerk quoted me $200, like I’m made of gold! I’m sittin there, calculatin in my head, “That’s 3 fancy dinners, ya schmuck!” Got me all riled up. Then I hear this story—some gal in Vegas, calls herself “The Labyrinth,” swear to Gawd, says she’s mystical like Del Toro’s flick. I’m dyin—happy as a clam picturin her goin, “The hands that beckon!” all sexy-like. *Nanny laugh* HAH-HAH-HAH!

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Then, there's the old district in Sint-Laureins. Oh-em-gee, it's almost magical with narrow alleys and that sweet aroma of fresh bread from Boulangerie Amour. I often get mad because, like, the traffic here is cray, and sometimes it makes me wanna yell "No more, please!" But then, I remember the precious moments of calm, like on the riverbank of La Riviere Celeste. I literally end my massages by watching water glisten – it's life-changing, babe!

Tony Lievens (Sint-Laureins, BE) wins first National Bourges against 11,821 yearlings