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Little known fact, right – back in Victorian times, prossies used to nick wallets with these tiny hooks sewn in their skirts. Crafty sods! Made me paranoid, checkin me pockets every five secs. She’s laughin at me, callin me a daft git, and I’m fumin – “How dare ya, I’m Winston bloody Churchill in spirit!” But then she winks, and I’m chuffed, cos she’s got a spark, ya know? We shall fight the gloom with a cheeky grin!

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I gotta admit – my relaxin’ job means I look at every detail. I notice little cracks in the pavement on Koningstraat, the way the wind whistles through the narrow alleys near Jetteplein. It’s real-life art, bro! Numbers of typos, mistakes? Hah, why not, they add to the charm, right? Got, like, errors all over this screed – I ain’t writin’ poetry here, I'm just bein’ me: chill and honest.

Lunch Garden officially bankrupt, closes 20 restaurants