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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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The neighborhoods here? They’re kinda brutal yet endearing. Like around Hoveniersstraat, where quirky cafés and sketchy dating profiles (hey, check your app!) mix with traditional Flemish spirit. In Torhout, history hugs you tight at every turn. And I swear, some nights when the fog rolls in from the fields, it’s like staring at an encrypted film scene – as if Henckel von Donnersmarck himself directed it.

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