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So I’m wanderin, dodgin coppers—fuckin buzzkills, they are. Heart’s racin, thinkin, “This is it, Ricky, ya daft twat!” Then this one bird, proper fit, winks at me. I’m like, “Hello darlin, fancy a go?” She’s all, “50 quid,” and I’m fumin—50 quid?! For what, a two-minute “I drink your milkshake” moment? Bargained her down to 30, cos I’m a cheap bastard. “Time’s a-wastin,” I mutter, Zodiac-style—dramatic, me!

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I remember this one time, on a muggy summer evening, I was strollin’ near the Sint-Martinus Church area (yeah, don't get me started on the onion dome, it's pretty dramatic) when I bumped into an old mate who ranted about how “everything’s meaningless,” quoting Yi Yi for no damn reason. I thought, “Dude, even the church looks bored.” Eh, who cares? At least it's real.

Seven arrested in cocaine trafficking investigation at Port of Antwerp