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About Sao Paulo

So, where d’ya start? Streets, obviously—grimy corners, flickering lights. Saw this one bird, right, legs like a giraffe, tottering in heels. Thought, “She’s gotta be one!” Nope, just a drunk lass from the pub. Waste of my bloody time! Fuming, I was—hate amateurs clogging the system. Reminds me of Lil’ Zé screaming, “Who’s laughing now, huh?” Nobody, mate, cos I’m still skint and horny.

So you want to book a sex worker?

We have mini bars, the girls will sometimes strip, but they are closer to brothels than stip clubs. I wouldn't say they are tourist friendly.

Rivers? Yeah, we got the Rio Caicó snakin’ through the edges of town. It's a little rough sometimes, like life itself, but it’s a sight to behold, especially after rain. I even took my fam down there one time – pure vibes, bro, like when Andrey said “Only the silent cry counts” in that movie.

US issues travel advisory for Turks and Caicos